February 23rd, 2020

It's been a month since I broke up with him.

I thought my life would be really empty and I'd live my life alone af.

Turns out it is more occupied than I thought how's it gonna be.

A friend who turned to be the most disgusting men I've ever known my entire life,

A friend who I never expect would have feelings for me, for real and that serious,

Also a new friend who all of the sudden got tangled too in this mess.

I know myself more than anyone.

I know things always got complicated in my life.

And I somehow enjoy it.

But,

after the bad relationship I had previously, this is way more than I expected.

More than I could handle to be honest.

I'm kinda unavailable to have any serious relationship at the moment

I want to have one

I'm just not ready for now

This is too sudden, especially with the options that I have now

I'm just afraid if I let this opportunity go now,

I'd let go of something real

And I hate regrets

But I would also hate myself if I fucked up another lives

Especially when they already planned it for a long haul

My hands are somehow tied

And at the same time, I cannot afford to be tied to anything or anyone for now

Oct 2, 2019

It is the first day I have the guts to ask you out
Even though anonymously
I think I'm going back to 3 years ago
I've never been this aggressive since Greg

I put a sticky note on your scooter
Saying "Would you like to have coffee with me?"
And left no name but a phone number

I waited till 7.30 and got no response
But then again, who will text someone who asked you out like that?

I don't want to come out creepy
I have no idea of what to do

Our paths just don't cross

And I don't think you will make the first move

I have to accept the fact that it will be a hard quest

Not impossible, just hard

Seems like the universe doesn't like my moves
Nothing seems to work out, no matter how I paved my way to you